Living a Rhythmed Life: Having to Say No
Thursday, June 28, 2012 at 11:24AM | in Connection to Others, Connection to Self, Discernment, Everyday Spirituality, Life 
Today we’re turning a corner in this rhythmed life series that allows the reality of a rhythmed life to show up in our daily world.
We’re going to talk about having to say no.
Ouch! So hard. (At least, it is for me.)
And yet, as I share in the video below, saying no helps us be able to say yes to what really matters.
If you can’t see the video in your e-mail or RSS feed, click here.
As I mentioned in the above video, I’ve gotten some practice at saying no of late. It started back in 2009, with my original decision-making tree of discernment that I shared with you early on in this series, and in the 3 years that have elapsed since that time, I’ve continued to learn how to better flex that “no” muscle.
I’m not fond of flexing that “no” muscle at all, but I’ve learned something important about this:
The more intentionally I live my life, the easier it is to say no.
Because I’ve created a rhythm for my life that’s based on my values, my way of being, my sense of calling, and the realities of finite time and personal limits, it’s become easier and easier to tell when something does or does not fit into the life that Kirk and I share together and that I feel called to live.
Do you want some examples? Here are things that have gotten my “no” recently:
- Maintaining three separate blogs
- Offering spiritual direction by phone
- Making plans on Sundays
- Being the coordinator of a spiritual formation blog
- Freelance projects that aren’t purely editorial
- Grocery shopping on the weekends
- Making appointments before 1PM
- Creating a new online course
Some of these have to do with my sense of calling. Some of them have to do with values Kirk and I have for our home life together. Some have to do with the reality of my limits. Others are purely practical and made in the interest of my sanity (hello, crazy shopping world on Saturday afternoons!).
Where do you have to say no right now?
Reader Comments (2)
Well, I'm saying no to my old job. I've kept two church commitments: choir, because singing is a central part to worship for me and if I go to choir in a bad mood, I leave in a good mood, so I know it is good for me!
The other is being a mentor to a confirmand, which feels like a sacred thing to me, and isn't a high demand on my time, although will require a little bit of that in the short term.
I haven't done the values yet -- something I'm weirdly struggling with ...
Commenting on other people's blogs.
Actually, I gave a teaching on this morning of all things.
Meister Eckhert speaks of the "Spirituality of Subtraction." Places that the idea hit me: trying to bless people who do not want anything like my blessing (that is controlling those around me with good stuff), trying to surrender thinking about my work life after work is over, and cleaning out the messy, hoarder looking condition of my mind.
Peace.