In case you were wondering, I am still working on forgiveness. I don't do a great job of it most of the time, but I do think my heart is moving in the direction required to offer it up eventually. Want to know why? Because this thought keeps resounding inside my head:
Perhaps forgiveness means trusting God is big enough to handle it.
What this means is that perhaps when a person chose, and kept choosing, to do something that ripped my heart to pieces and made me wonder if my heart, soul, and body were, in fact, worth anything at all, God saw it happen, knew how small and discarded and alone it would make me feel . . . and allowed it to happen anyway.
What it means, perhaps, is that despite assaults against my very soul, God's goodness is bigger still, for all that He's provided in return: a time to heal, the gradual replacement of lies with truth, great love and affirmation from those around me, and the granting of dreams bigger than any I'd ever have dreamed for myself.
Perhaps it means that we are, each one, upon a journey only He can determine the end of, and that it's His job to weave it and ours simply to follow. Perhaps this applies even to those who wounded us.
Perhaps, in the end, it means He is about our greatest good and that He intends, ultimately, for us to trust Him. Perhaps it means that what He intends for us -- wrapped up in a plan that may even include those wounding moments that tripped us up from believing in His plan in the first place and got us thinking we'd be stuck in that abused and painful place forever -- is big enough to overcome all that happens, ever, because He is just that sovereign and capable and intentional and big.