A few days before I left for the SDI conference in Santa Fe, I learned one of the primary clients I service through my freelance editorial business has decided to bring all of its freelance work in-house. In short order, I am losing a significant chunk of the monthly income I contribute to our household.
I was pretty alarmed when I learned this news, but thankfully Kirk was calmer than me.
We've leapt into the unknown in previous seasons of our life together, but usually I've been the one carrying the strongest faith that things would work out. In truth, I've often been the one asking Kirk to leap with me!
I think it's because of those previous leaps that Kirk remained so calm this time around. He has seen God provide again and again out of nowhere and in unexpected places over the years. Watching this happen so often has built his faith.
I'm thankful for that, as my own sense of God's sure provision this time around has not been near as strong as it's been before.
Through this, I keep experiencing a pretty clear invitation to the deepening of my faith. It feels unlike the faith I've demonstrated previously. The stakes feel higher this time.
I've been trying to say yes, but it's been hard.
The image I keep coming back to is one of stepping out into thin air and having no idea if anything will emerge to catch my fall. Will God's hands catch my feet? Will he put a new stone beneath my feet I just can't see yet?
For Kirk, this transition season has taken the form of an ocean. He speaks of pushing away from the shore and moving toward another plot of land.
Oceans and feet. The images companioning us.
A few days ago, a friend shared a YouTube clip of the "Oceans" song by Hillsong United. And actually, the full name of the song is "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)."
Oceans and feet.
I could hardly believe the way this song showed up using the very same language we've been using through this shift in our life. It says:
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown
Where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You will call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
It has felt immensely comforting to be reminded of Christ's presence here. That as I step into the mystery, there he'll be.
I think that's what has made the difference in continuing to move forward now: being reminded of Christ's presence here, his invitation, his initiation of everything my life's work and vocation and call have been about all along.
It's become increasingly clear to Kirk and me that this transition is an invitation deeper into that life's work and call. Last weekend's experience at the conference, especially through the workshop I offered on technology and its role in spiritual formation, turned out to be a waymarker along that path.
And so I'm developing this.
We shall see what happens!
Here's one thing that's true, though: I couldn't walk this way without knowing Christ is here, inviting me and then walking with me.
That's the image that showed up yesterday, in fact. As Kirk and I set out to spend the day in conversation and strategy and planning for the future, we began the day in prayer. We listened to the "Oceans" song and then sat in silent prayer together for a while, each of us tuning into the Spirit's current in this moment.
What showed up for me was that ocean, and myself standing in wooden canoe. Jesus stood in front of me, looking me in the eyes with a smile and inviting me onto the water.
I said yes.
He offered me his hand, and I took it. Together, we walked on water.
Are you being invited to some new leap of faith right now? How are you responding?