a first big step

today i mailed off my reference forms for the isf program to each of my three references, after having secured their agreement to write these references over this last week. it was a huge step, and i felt little nervous pricklies in my stomach as i drove them to the post office and then dropped them in the box, saying a little prayer as they went whooshing down the shoot. they are now out of my hands and into the gracious hands of others. it is an act of trust.

before i mailed them, i spent quite a bit of time composing cover letters for each one. the one going to my dear, dear friend was easy. she's been in my life for going on 12 years and is providing the character reference and an additional personal letter of affirmation for me. but the letters going to my pastor and employer references took more time. it's been almost two years since i've been in touch with either of them, and a lot has happened in that time. i've developed more into the person i'm meant to be. i've taken more concrete steps in the direction of my calling. i needed to share this growth with them in a way that felt authentic but not overwhelming. i also needed to share how my interactions in the spheres in which they've known me have served to shepherd me deeper into this journey, and where some divergences have happened since the time i've spent with them.

so it was no easy task, and i took care in writing both of them. when i was finished, i felt a clearness inside of my heart and mind, like they had formed a closer union through that process. this is where i see how much writing is still a part of me and always will be; it's how i make sense of my world and my journey and most fully convey it to others. it felt so good to share more of that world and that journey with these special individuals today. and now that those letters and forms have been mailed, this process has officially begun.